"How To Save A Life" by The Fray
Reviewed by: Krystal Burns
Note: We focus on reviewing songs, and therefore cannot comment on the appropriateness of the album in its entirety. Please use your best judgment whenever purchasing or listening to music.
The Band
This foursome came together officially in 2002. Initial and founding members Isaac Slade (vocals, piano) and Joe King (guitar, vocals) began playing locally in the Denver area. As their popularity grew, they added Ben Wysocki (drums) and Dave Welsh (guitar) to complete the group and eventually signed with Epic records in 2004. The Fray attribute much of their popularity to their “organic grassroots,” meaning they earned their success the old fashion way -- playing at coffee shops and private gigs as word of mouth spread and, interestingly, through their presence on myspace.
The Album
Although The Fray’s debut album “How to Save a Life” was released nearly a year ago, it continues to top the charts. No doubt this is in part because their songs have been featured on popular prime time shows like “Scrubs,” “Grey’s Anatomy” (season promo), “One Tree Hill,” and “Bones.” If you don’t recognize the band’s name or song titles, you’d probably know the tunes if you spent much time in front of the TV this summer. Two hit songs are the primary driving force behind the album: “Over My Head (Cable Car)” is certified platinum, and “How to Save a Life” looks like it might be headed that way too.
The Song
“How to Save a Life” is based on Slade’s experience as a mentor to a crack-addicted teen. “The song is more of a memoir about his slow-motion decent and all the relationships he lost along the way,” he says. “It’s the easiest one for me to sing every night. I constantly get e-mails from people who relate to it.”
The song follows a hypothetical conversation between an addict and a friend. In the verses, the singer is the coach, telling you what to say and how the person is likely to react. “Step one you say we need to talk… He smiles politely back at you… And you begin to wonder why you came.” The type of confrontation described is frequently referred to as an intervention. (There’s even a reality show on cable about interventions.) Basically the addict is given an ultimatum: either get help or else. The song instructs you to “…grant him one last choice/ ‘Drive until you lose the road/ Or break with the ones you’ve followed.’ ”
There’s a lot of truth in the approach of the song. The Bible tells us in Galatians 6:1, “Brothers, if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.” (Also see Colossians 3:12.) Slade recognizes the value in approaching someone with love and gentleness as he sings, “Try to slip past his defense,” as in don’t beat him over the head. And later, “As he begins to raise his voice/ You lower yours…” or else the situation will quickly escalate and you’ll have a fight on your hands.
The most important line of the song is at the end of the second verse, “And pray to God he hears you.” The fact is that we don’t have it in our power to save someone from their struggles. It’s when God touches a person’s heart and that person responds that change really happens. Any confrontation or intervention should be fully soaked in prayer beforehand. Prayer is a powerful and underused tool.
Not only that, but prayer also helps us put the situation in perspective by putting it in God’s hands where it belongs. Peter encourages us to “cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:17). It’s important to realize that we don’t have control over another person’s life. But in the chorus, the singer blames himself for his friend’s problems, “Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend… And I would have stayed up with you all night/ Had I known how to save a life.” This is where I part ways with the song. While you may feel there is something you could have done better or differently, the truth is that people make their own choices. Even if you do everything by the book, say just the right words, and pray your heart out, the decision to turn around is ultimately up to that person. That can be a difficult truth to accept, which is why it’s so important to spend time on your knees letting God heal your heart rather than blaming yourself.
At WisdomWorks, we also get a lot of letters from people who are stuck in the same trap: someone they care about is struggling with an addiction, and they don’t know what to do or how to act anymore. I cannot stress enough the importance of praying for that person and through the situation. Pray for the words to say and for the best attitude when you say them as well as for your friend to have open ears and a soft heart.
So What Do You Think?
• Does the song really tell you how to save a life?
• The song hints, but doesn’t explicitly tell us how the conversation ends. What do you think?
• Have you ever had to have a serious talk like this with someone? How did it go?
• How do you normally respond when someone confronts you?